my dear kate:
thank you for being my rock today.
sometimes evie has fussy days [as we all do] and i hate to admit it,
but i don't handle fussiness as well as i would like.
when i can't figure out what's wrong and she cries and whines despite all i do,
i go positively mad.
i stand in the shower and cry.
i cry for my uselessness.
i cry because i hate that somethings wrong and she's suffering.
i cry in frustration at my lack of ability to handle her crying [now, that's ironic]
and i cry because somedays are just so overwhelming.
and then i laugh and cry all at the same time because i am so very aware at how stupid and irrational it is to cry because a baby is fussy.
oh to have better control over my emotions.
and that was most certainly what our 5 o'clock looked like.
but then you hug me and give me that sweet smile.
your eyes are tight with worry and you look 30 years old.
and suddenly i feel like the daughter and you the mom.
and i accept your hug and somehow i feel better.
i wish i could love you as perfectly as you love me.
you'll never know how much i [quite unfairly] depend on you.