sometimes i write letters to myself

dear kayla-

you need a pep talk.

today was rough.
your kid has croup.
she woke up a lot last night and didn't nap today.
she sounds like a 50 yr old smoker.
she barks like a seal.

and she gave the sickness to you.
your throat is on fire.
you're tired.
you're not hungry.

warm weather seems eons away.
you want to go on walks outside and watch miss kate feed the ducks.
you want to drive with the windows down.
february seems too long [ironically it's the shortest month]

and for the last week you've had thoughts swirling in your head.
thoughts about life, love, faith, motherhood.
you can't put these thoughts into coherent sentences so they remain stuck in your head.
and this makes you insane.


ok, so what's the plan?
how do you handle this?
you've been here before and you will be in this overwhelming place again.


plan: you focus on the good

you cherish the moments [hours] you spend cuddling and soothing your precious daughter.
she needs you more than normal right now.
she's hurting and isn't sleeping well.
she needs you to rock her and stroke her face and tell her you love her.
she needs the comfort of your mama arms.
you are one of the only people that can calm her fears so focus on that instead of all the sleep you're missing.

that elmo has special soothing powers also

the sun shined bright today.

you opened all the blinds and let the light in.

it made you happy to see the bright blue sky.

never mind the whipping wind, just focus on the heat from the sun.

view from our parking lot

katers is getting better.

this sickness isn't that bad and will pass quickly.

she will go back to napping well and sleeping through the night- i promise.

today she wore her bright pink bird shirt and spent all day pointing at her chest saying 'tweet tweet'

that's awesome.

enjoy her.

thanks bb for the shirt!

you've got jank.
remember how he likes you more than burgers and french fries?
remember how he told you last night that he loves you just the way you are?
even when you protested and told him he would be better off with someone prettier, sweeter, more patient... he insisted that he would rather be with you.
that's incredible and don't disregard the magic you two have.

date night last friday- salt city burger co.

see? you feel better already!

now apologize to all your friends for putting them through this long post

[sorry everyone]

and put some good music on and file your taxes like you said you would.

.