warning: i'm going to talk about poop.

to that corner of my brain that is completely occupied by my kids' bowel functions:

someday that small part of my brain will not be consumed with thoughts like:
'did katers poop today?'
'did evie poop? what was the consistency?' [this matters when it's time for ev to eat and a decision has to be made between pears and bananas]
'did kate drink her poop juice today?' [aka metamucil but isn't the term poop juice just so much more appetizing??]

it's ridiculous how much time i spend thinking about my kids and their bowels.
please tell me i'm not alone.
i can't wait for the day when i can release this responsibility and worry to my kids.
imagine all the life problems i could solve with that brain space now free.
for example, i could finally decide between the light gray and dark gray corduroys that are sitting on my bedroom floor.
what a day that will be!

it finally happened

well it finally happened little one.
you're the proud owner of a tiny tooth.
it appeared a few days ago without much fanfare [thank you kindly for that]
some fussing, a decreased appetite and lots of drool marked the big event.

7.5 months old.
i won't lie... i was starting to get a little worried.
do they even have baby dentures???


we love you little darling.
thanks for all the giggles.
and thanks for that spot on your neck that is deliciously soft and chunky- it's my favorite to nuzzle.

school is cool

katers: 

school has been really good for you. 

you get to make awesome projects, play on the playground, eat good food and learn so much more than i could ever teach you. 

some days i'm a little taken aback at the things you know. 

see example below: 

ff




gosh kid, you're cool.

love your guts.


[sorry if the video quality is bad, youtube is not being my friend today]

a new way of being

about 3 weeks ago i threw in the towel.
i gave up the fight between my happiness and my pride.
i let happiness win.
and i started taking an anti-depressant.

i really wanted to beat this myself without relying on a medication.
i wanted to will it away, work it away, shop it away, ignore it away.
i was being stubborn and i was losing precious moments with my family.
so the day came when i finally swallowed my ridiculous pride and told jank it was time.
he was so relieved i had finally reached a place where i would accept help.

and our life hasn't been the same since.


i'm not saying that the pill i'm taking is a miracle drug.
i truly think a part of my feeling better is attributed to some placebo effect.
but i also can't deny the peace i feel in my soul.
i haven't felt like this in so very long.
it's like coming home after being away for a long time.

i feel like me again.
and it feels good.


i don't cry when a patient yells at me because the wait time was too long.
i smile more and my laughs aren't forced.
i fall asleep excited to wake up in the morning and spend time with my girls.
i can't get enough of my husband.

i still have ups and downs like everyone else.
some days are great [i finally finished decorating evie's room]
while others are rotten [evie and i had the flu for a few days, and oh boy was it bad!]
but underneath everything there is a permeating positivity that i've lacked.


hi. my name's kayla and i'm medicated.
it's nice to meet you.

another photo overload.

folks:

this is the last round of 'beach pics'.

it's a little bit of an overload, but i figured the grandmas certainly won't mind :)

so if you're not our grandma [and therefore not obligated to think my kids are the cutest/most awesomest/most kissable] please feel free to scroll on through and think to yourself:

'geez, kayla. put down that camera already!'

but for grandma and nana:

these are for you.

love and miss you both.