dear aliens that stole my child:
katers full of light and love
thanks for returning my baby to me.
i'm happy to report she is doing well.
i hope you're enjoying the devil-child i swapped you for.
personally, i feel that i got the better deal.
but i'm going to keep my mouth shut about that.
i'm sure you enjoyed the few weeks you had with my baby.
she probably played quietly by herself, taking all your space shoes and hiding them all over the spaceship
she probably ate your space food without complaint.
and she probably gave you high-fives and kisses and hugs.
and she probably played nicely with other kids.
the demonic toddler i was in charge of is probably throwing punches and screaming because you don't get 'elmo' in outer space.
does she cry so hard she throws up when you buckle her into her intergalactic car seat?
does she throw every last morsel of food on the ground and refuse to eat?
does she claw/bite/shove the martian kids when they try to play with her?
oh? she does? well, that's just too bad.
a deal's a deal.
you're stuck with her.
martian clone of katers. filled with darkness and anger
i'm not trading my baby for devil-child ever again.
but katers is hard to resist so i'm sure you'll return to planet earth to snatch my kiddo up again.
maybe you could give me an advance warning next time?
maybe something like turning the sky neon pink the day before so i could stock up on snuggles.
and then i could mentally prepare for the devil-child's return because this time you caught me by surprise and i really didn't appreciate it. (neither did jank, my family, or my coworkers)
celebrating kater's return to planet earth.
(also celebrating jaiden skye's blessing day)
live long and prosper alien kidnappers.
go bug another planet.