terrible two's are the absolute pits.

kateroo-

i love you.

i really do.

but you make it extremely difficult for me to like you when every ten minutes you throw yourself to the ground so you can kick and cry and carry on like a lunatic.

i know you're frustrated that the pages of your books are stuck together.

i know you want the talking giraffe app to work on my phone.

i understand that you don't want to eat your cereal.

i get it.

i totally get it.

frustration sucks and the concept of patience is beyond your reach.

but socking your mom in the face isn't going to make it better.

do you really like time-outs that much??

little one, i sure hope the terrible two's pass quickly.

i want my sweet girl back.

i miss her.

ps. don't be fooled by the adorable going-ons in these pictures. this moment was the calm between the storms. i pray the storms pass quickly because i'm flying to MN on thursday [without jank] and my anxiety level is thru the roof. screaming, kicking toddler + public places = my idea of torture.

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do the terrible two's really last a whole year?!?

mom and dad-

i want to apologize in advance for any disappointment you might experience in the coming week.
you're flying out here on thursday and i'm afraid it's not going to be much fun.

you see, the terrible two's have descended upon our house.
it's really not as funny as everyone says it will be.
the over-the-top meltdowns might be funny in a year or two,
but right now.... oh boy.

i hope kate shapes up before you get here.
i know you want to snuggle her and play with her but all she wants to do is cry.
be warned: if you touch her without her permission, she will burst into tears and say "owwwwie"
[this makes for fun public outings- people tend to stare when a child yells owie!]

i don't mean to be so dramatic, i should note that it's not horrible 24/7.
kate's still sweet and fun.
she still likes playgrounds, bubbles and movies-
those things always make her smile.
it's just that the good moments are tainted more frequently with a tantrum or two [or five].

i really hope it's just a week-long phase.
maybe a little nana and papa love is all she needs.
let's hope.


please bring chocolate and fresh flowers when you come,
i'm fairly certain i deserve them.
any of these will do nicely:

[fyi: peonies are my favorite]

love you both,
beaner


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in a galaxy far, far away...

dear aliens that stole my child:

katers full of light and love

thanks for returning my baby to me.
i'm happy to report she is doing well.
i hope you're enjoying the devil-child i swapped you for.
personally, i feel that i got the better deal.
but i'm going to keep my mouth shut about that.

i'm sure you enjoyed the few weeks you had with my baby.
she probably played quietly by herself,  taking all your space shoes and hiding them all over the spaceship
she probably ate your space food without complaint.
and she probably gave you high-fives and kisses and hugs.
and she probably played nicely with other kids.

the demonic toddler i was in charge of is probably throwing punches and screaming because you don't get 'elmo' in outer space.
does she cry so hard she throws up when you buckle her into her intergalactic car seat?
does she throw every last morsel of food on the ground and refuse to eat?
does she claw/bite/shove the martian kids when they try to play with her?
oh? she does? well, that's just too bad.
a deal's a deal.
you're stuck with her.

martian clone of katers. filled with darkness and anger

i'm not trading my baby for devil-child ever again.
but katers is hard to resist so i'm sure you'll return to planet earth to snatch my kiddo up again.
maybe you could give me an advance warning next time?
maybe something like turning the sky neon pink the day before so i could stock up on snuggles.
and then i could mentally prepare for the devil-child's return because this time you caught me by surprise and i really didn't appreciate it. (neither did jank, my family, or my coworkers)

celebrating kater's return to planet earth.

(also celebrating jaiden skye's blessing day)

live long and prosper alien kidnappers.
go bug another planet.



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