waiting...

miss kate-

as i sit at the computer and type, you and your dad are running around 'the loop'-
your happy shrieks and laughter fill our home.
and i'm choking back tears.
ugh, pregnancy hormones.

we spent the whole day together and i've kissed you and held you [uncomfortably] on my lap as much as you would allow.
i feel silly for being so emotional about my impending induction tonight.
i'm full of nerves and excitement and worry.
everyone assures me it's normal to stress about adding a new kid to the family.
everyone says we'll adjust quickly and soon i'll never remember what it was like to just have one little one to love.
i hope it's all true.

aunt BB asked me tonight what i'm most worried about.
baby E's health, you, the pain and a 4th degree tear were my answers [in order of importance].
i'm sure everything will be just fine and i'll look back and laugh at how worried i was.
but until it's all over and done, i'm just going choke back the tears and hold you extra tight.

i love you little one.

love,
mama.

****update: my induction has been put on hold until there is a room and a nurse available in L&D. [apparently everyone else's body knows how to go into labor on it's own]. it's possible i will be 'on call' all night and may not get in until morning. nana has been dispatched to chili's for chocolate molten lava cake****

.

friends

dear yuma friends:

thanks for spoiling me with a baby 'sprinkle'.

and for bringing me meals when pink eye prevents kate from going to daycare and i don't get to sleep.

and for bringing me treats and sweet notes so i can survive these last days of pregnancy.

and for putting up with my constant exhaustion.

you're the best!

***

prego update: induction is scheduled for tuesday nite!!!

HALLELUJAH

[now i just have to somehow survive these last 3 shifts. heaven help me, i'm tired.]

/

February!!!

A dang near perfect month to have a baby n'est pas? [did my high school French just flair up?? Pregnancy makes me all kinds of kooky]

So let's do this baby E!
You've officially been evicted.
I'm beyond anxious to meet you.

everyone good with weekly updates, cuz that's all i have energy for right now.

soon, soon, soon.

but when???

i had some testing done last thursday to ensure that this little squirt is doing ok despite not growing very big.
happy to report that all is well.
baby passed her NST within the first 5 minutes and my amniotic levels came back within the normal range [albeit on the low end, but that was expected].
i'll have these tests done weekly until i deliver.



nana's came to town last week and it's been wonderful.
she's cleaned my house, weeded my yard, done the grocery shopping, made meals, done the dishes [daily] and chauffeured kate to and from school so i could get some extra sleep.
oh and let's not forget that she and jank potty-trained kate in one day.
no biggie.
[although we're still working on staying dry through the night]
it's so nice to have my mom around.
thanks mom for not judging me for how much i sleep or for how often we have dominos for dinner! [their cheese-bread is my weakness]

and now some pics i've been hoarding in my phone:

this girl can never have enough books.

just one of many meals i haven't made.

it's so nice to wake up to this....

what will i do when nana leaves??

and this happened one day during nap-time.

i've only had 2 pedicures in my life and i have to wonder why don't i get one monthly?

kate waiting patiently in the 'opital' for my testing.

she's learning how to swaddle.

post night shift.

these 3-in-a-rows are getting quite tiring.

thank heavens for great coworkers who baby me and give me the 'princess' assignments.

[one night my job was to answer the ambulance phone. it was reeeeeaaaallly difficult]

ps. my favorite thing ever is listening to kate talk about this baby...

'come out baby!'

'mommie go to opital and push, push, push- grrrrrrrr'

'dockers [doctors] help mommie and baby'

'i go to sea world when baby comes and see dolphins'

and the best is when she hugs my belly and gives the baby a kiss.

she really couldn't be any sweeter.

.

no baby yet.

tyrel-

thanks for the minnie mouse dress [and the cinderella dress].

it makes kate's day when she wears them.

jank-

thanks for our friday lunch dates [even if it is just BK while we sit in my car].

it's so nice to have these moments with you...

before our world gets rocked with a newborn.

love you more than ever.

katers-

you've definitely been testing your boundaries as of late.

but at least you always return to being my sweet kate.

i pray you never lose your sweetness...

or your beautifully semi-chunky cheeks that we all love to smooch.

yuma library-

thanks for having a tank full of fish that look like all the characters in the movie nemo-

it sure keeps my daughter entertained.

sorry kate likes to [repeatedly] yell out all of their names.

we're still working on what a 'library voice' is.

our beautiful white crib-

why did we think painting you white would be a quick project??

so glad the effort was worth it and that you turned out awesome.

now how should we go about teaching kate not to climb into you?

maybe laughing and taking pictures of such behaviors sends the wrong message...

duly noted.

baby E- [38 weeks according to me. 36.4 weeks according to the OB]

so excited to see you [via ultrasound] on thursday.

we need to have some testing done to make sure you're doing ok since you didn't appear to grow these last 2 weeks.

hopefully i'm to blame and not you.

hopefully it's just genetics and i'm simply incapable of growing chunky babies.

hopefully you're healthy and perfect and all's well.

we're all growing very impatient to meet you.

and hopefully you come out soon because i'm getting quite sick of the constant heartburn.

[i know that's selfish of me, but it's the truth]

36 weeks. NOT 34.5 weeks. because i said so.

baby girl-

36 weeks tomorrow!
[and yes, i am stubbornly ignoring my 'due date range' and sticking with my original due date of feb 8th]

we're all getting pretty excited to meet you.
[especially kate- but that's probably because we told her she gets to go to sea world when you come. i am so not above bribery. 'i get to see dolphins when baby comes' is heard at least 3 times a day. even her teachers at school know all about it]

but give me at least 2 more weeks to fully get ready.
your nursery is a disaster right now and i haven't washed any of your clothes yet.
i worked all weekend and you really didn't let me sleep much-
thanks for the frequent trips to the bathroom, the swollen ankles and the contractions- so thoughtful of you.
the goal is to get your room whipped into shape by this weekend...
so hang in there little one and lay off the kicks to my right hip- it's getting a little tender!

love you more than seems possible,
mama

ps. this was my work outfit for all of 15 minutes... then one of my coworkers made fun of my belly button poking out and i wore my zippie the rest of the shift. [i'm a little sensitive right now. yeah for pregnancy hormones]


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right this moment kate is [loudly] singing her abc's instead of napping

things that make me happy:

new chocolate-chocolate donettes. 

we've already eaten 3 bags this week.

probably shouldn't admit that.

lots of hot-air balloon sightings in yuma.

and never-ending blue skies.

yuma sunsets/sunrises are rumored to be some of the best.

wish pictures could capture the beauty b/c they really are amazing.

so many things to love:

1. my appetite for cheeseburgers is back.

2. we have an 'in n out' here.

3. we're eating outside!

4. jank's wearing an 'in n out' shirt while eating @ 'in n out'= awesomeness

this little girl makes me so very happy.

wish i could bottle her sweetness and share with everyone.

plus, her hair is all sorts of out of control lately and i've given up.

the mullet wins this round.

the dollar isle @ the bullseye.

animals that make noises...

a galvanized bucket for diapers...

chip clips...

done and done.

painting the crib has allowed me time to sit and think.

it's been therapeutic for me and allowed me time to analyze my pregnancy anxiety attacks.

i've never really had anxiety attacks before but by-golly am i having them this month.

palpitations and racing thoughts don't make for a good time.

i've analyzed it down to a few issues--

1. our family is in a really good place right now and as wanted and loved as this new babe is, i just don't want to rock the boat.

2. labor. labor. labor. delivery. delivery. delivery. ugh! enough said.

finally[!] getting christmas decor put away.

kate had to hug and kiss and say goodbye to every single ornament.

kinda annoying, mostly awesome.

things that make me grumpy

being told by my OB that i no longer have a due date.

i now have a 'due range' spanning from feb 8 through feb 18.

baby girl is doing great-

she's just consistently measuring 1.5-2 weeks behind schedule and since i never had a period to calculate an exact due date from... i now have a 'due range'. bleh.

kinda shocked that i didn't cry at all yesterday after being dealt that blow.

although i did say the f-word and threw the fly-swatter at the dryer.

jank got after me for that one-

but aren't i a teensy bit justified??

10 days were just added to this waiting game.

i like black and white. and timelines. and countdowns. and finality.

so now what do i do?

i'm totally making a yellow cake with chocolate frosting.

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hey there torpedo! and other such compliments

hi baby girl,

32 weeks.
just a few more to go.
you think we could make a deal and you come no later than 39 weeks?
i'm dying to see you...
but not so excited about the labor/delivery part so maybe we'll hold off until 50 weeks?
yeah, that sounds good.

also we think we have your first name picked out but we are stumped as ever on your middle name.
a little inspiration would be appreciated.

i'm working on your nursery,
and by 'working' i mean i'm staring at images online and hoping they miraculously come to be in this here yuma house.
maybe after the holiday craziness i'll get serious about decorating.

you made me crave OJ the other day- so weird.
i usually HATE orange juice.
but it was delicious [from macdo's no less] and i just went with it because what else am i to do these days?

your big sis has started to warm up to the idea of a baby invading her space.
she calls you by name and gives kisses when she's not busy kicking you.
[sorry about the abuse, she's still learning that mama can't wrestle like dad]

you have a new cousin.
his name is steele.
i'm gigantically jealous that brother brandon and kiki get to hold and snuggle him.
he gave his mom a quick labor, how about you do the same?

ok, little one.
keep up the good work-
pack on those ounces and we'll see you soon.

love,
your mama



ps. in related news these are things that have been said to me in the last week:

::hey mama! [pretty much how anyone who doesn't know my name greets me at work- including but not limited to doc's, housekeepers, transporters, radiology techs and a few ER techs who do know my name but decide to call me mama instead.]

::you're getting fat.

::your stomach looks much bigger than last night, maybe you're bloated??


sure makes a lady feel sexy!!


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another overload of pics

and now a series of mini-letters:

dear pregnant body of mine:
we're almost there.
only 8 weeks to go.
we're doing well; gaining some weight and growing a healthy little girl.
she's measuring 2 weeks behind schedule but that's not surprising.
[i just don't think this body is engineered to make big babies]
i'll just have to keep eating cookie dough every night and drinking hot cocoa every morning while peanut watches monsters inc.

dear yuma weather:
i think i love you [now that it's not 115 degrees]
we decked the halls this past week and didn't once have to worry about mittens or boots.
our christmas tree is up and sparkly.
the palm trees outside are full of white twinkle lights.
it was wonderful to decorate outside without freezing our hands.

dear christmastime:
thanks for bringing me one of my favorite things- twinkly trees.
and for kate's favorite book right now- the night before christmas.
oh how i love snuggling her tight and reading books with her by the light of her little christmas tree.

our elf on the shelf finally came and has been named 'elfie'.
[that's what you get when you let a 2 yr old name the keepsake]
kate talks to elfie all day, every day and tells him if she's been naughty or nice-
it's hilarious to watch [i'll have to video it]
our advent calendar is finally done-
kate unwraps a christmas book each night which we read all snuggled in on her huge bed.
smelling kate's freshly washed hair and rubbing her back and face while jank reads to us is my idea of heaven.

dear kate:
i'm so glad i get to teach you important things like how to dip your french fries in your ice cream.
our lunch dates make me smile.
on the flip side, your ability to cause chaos makes me insaaaaane.
you were so proud of this mess and got mad at me when i cleaned it up.
but it did give me the opportunity to weed out some of your toys-
how did you get so many??

regardless of your actions, i love you completely.
you make me smile everyday and that is enough.

dear jank:
thanks for all you do [laundry, dishes, diapers....]
thanks for all the foot massages.
thanks for not playing racquetball tonight so we could spend time together before i have to work 4 in a row.
and thanks for taking kate on night-time scooter rides to see the christmas lights-
you are her absolute favorite person and mine too.
i love you.
thanks for loving me.

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another awkward pregnancy post.

26 weeks and posting these pictures is embarrassing.

baby girl-

you're quite the mover and shaker lately.

especially in the evenings- 

it's quite entertaining to sit and watch my abdomen change shapes.

[and only a little weird. cuz let's be honest, pregnancy is a little weird isn't it?]

on monday you got me in trouble with the OB-

the last 5 weeks i didn't gain any weight despite eating like a teenager.

we have strict orders to pork up.

[should be easy with all the halloween candy and birthday cake in the kitchen]

at least you're growing even if i'm not- at least i think you are.

my scrubs are constantly falling down at work so i know my belly is getting bigger.

[drawstring pants+pregnancy= no bueno]

the OB wants to do another ultrasound in a few weeks to check on you.

i'm game with that plan- i love seeing you.

we're still struggling with the name issue.

the other day i asked kate what your name should be.

she paused for a moment and then said with conviction-

'Jesus Christ!'

ummmmm, i think not. but it was a good suggestion wasn't it?

oh man little one, i cannot wait to have you in my arms.

i want to smush my face into yours and breathe in your baby smell.

i just want to watch your daddy rock you and whisper words of love to you.

and i can't wait to see how kate responds to your presence.

love, 

your tired but happy mama.

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who guessed it was a boy?

you would be wrong. it's a little girl in there.

21 weeks and still craving mashed potatoes

baby jancer-

hey there little girl.
hope you're doing well.
according to your ultrasound you're doing great and growing big and strong.

thanks for being so cooperative on monday-
although we should probably discuss how to sit like a lady at some point.
that was quite a show you gave us.

your dad and i weren't surprised when the doctor confirmed your gender.
somehow we just knew you would be a little girl.
and we couldn't be happier with the news.

you are so much squirmier than your big sis.
two nights ago i couldn't sleep so i got out the laptop and laid in bed watching my shows on hulu while i felt you kick and dance inside me.
it was pretty dang awesome.

your dad and i keep wondering if your squirminess is indicative of your energy level?
will you be our wild child?
will you be the one that requires us to lock all the cupboards and secure the tv?
[like we should've already done but didn't really need to so we didn't]

i keep checking my temperature at work because i'm convinced i'm running a fever all the time.
you've got me cooking little one.
pregnancy combined with yuma's heat has me wishing for snow.
maybe we could dial back the internal furnace sometime soon?

lastly, could you give us some hints on what to name you?
we are clueless.
your dad suggested agnes the other night. or was it alma?
i can't remember [you've stripped me of brain cells rather quickly]
i punched him and requested he not present any names to me unless he is quite serious about them.


loving you more each day baby girl.

love,
your mama


ps. who has a girl name they want to share with me so i can steal it???

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growing a baby requires lots of pink lemonade and potatoes.

dear baby jancer-

today we're 16.2 weeks.

we had a doctor's appt and all went well.

we got to see you kicking and squirming all over the ultrasound screen.

your heartbeat is strong and you are 1000 times more active than your big sis.

wonder when i'm going to start feeling all those kicks and squirms?

i hope it's soon.

because that was my favorite part of kate's pregnancy-

laying in bed and feeling her squirming and reassuring me that all's well. 

[not that she did that much, she was practically comatose the whole 9 months. lazy stinker]

the mystery remains if you're a girl or boy.

we tried desperately to see but you were moving too much and it's a little too soon to tell.

i think you're a girl.

your dad's going with boy.

we'll see who's right.

kate changes her mind every other day on whether she'll get a 'bruder or sisser'

my belly size changes constantly.
yesterday i barely looked pregnant.
today i look 26 weeks.
hope i look not so pregnant on monday when i start my new job-
i still haven't dropped the 'i'm pregnant, aren't ya glad you hired me???' bomb on them yet.
that's going to be fun.

keep growing strong and healthy little love.
see you in 4 weeks.

love,
mama



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announcing...

dear baby jancer,

you and i are officially 12 weeks into this pregnancy.
your dad and i are counting the days until we get to meet you.
we're so excited to have another little one, even if the timing of your pregnancy is a little complicated.
[i'll be barely six months into a new job when you come. ugh, i hate being the new kid at work and adding a pregnant belly and a maternity leave isn't going to help matters]
regardless, we love you and cannot wait until february.

a few things:

1. do you see this mashed potato craving ending anytime soon? boiling potatoes in 100 degree heat is getting old especially since i seem completely intolerant to heat of any kind right now. and fake potatoes don't cut it- they have to be baby red mashed with loads and loads of butter.
2. thanks so much for not making the first trimester exhaustion as bad as it was with kate - i find that as long as i nap when kate naps i can function pretty well.
3. when do you foresee the oversensitive sense of smell going back to normal? the drunks and homeless patients have always smelled foul but this pregnancy is taking their malodorous bodies to a whole new level. not so much fun. just saying.
4. please grow strong and healthy. that's all we ask. we honestly don't care if you're a boy or girl [seriously, it doesn't matter one bit to us] we just want you to be healthy.
5. thanks for cooperating the other day so that i could hear your heartbeat. a magical moment for me- i was holding your big sister's hand at the time and it all seemed too good to be true.


i know it seems silly to say but, we really do love you already.
i think it's because we already have kate and we know how amazingly awesome it is to be parents.
we can't wait to see how you fit into this family of ours.
grow strong little one.

love mama.

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