sunday evening.

after we got rained out of our family pictures,
we headed back to escondido [a little north of san diego] for some pajama-wearing and relaxing.
we even managed to get one round of risk played- which is quite a feat when there are six kids under the age of four running around.

living down the street or even across town isn't an option for my family
[at least not at this time. i'm still holding out hope that we all move to st george together!]
and the thing i miss the absolute most is just hanging out.
i miss the busy house full of people and noise and popping popcorn.
i miss sunday dinners and board games.
i even miss the little squabbles that are a natural part of families.

so sunday evening was perfect in my eyes.
[although i don't remember any squabbles. i'll have to work harder at that next time :) ]

 ^that harry doesn't hold still for even one second. an absolute ball of energy and i couldn't love him more. he wiggled and danced his way into my heart that week and i think i might just have to steal him away^

^my little brother aaron is so great with kids. he was such a huge help all week long. thanks buddy!^

aren't the swings everyone's favorite?

when you live away from family it's hard to stay connected.
i often wonder 'what's my sister/mom/sis-in-law/nephew/niece's routine like?'
'what's a typical morning for them?'

well just in case you're interested in our morning
[which i assume you are since you're reading this silly blog]
here's how it went:

wake up and feed the kids and myself toast and fruit and milk.
putter around the house for a bit.
upload vacation pics [too many!!] get dressed and pack snacks for the park.
head out the door into the glorious sunshine and drive 5 minutes to our favorite park.
take a bunch of videos while at the park and enjoy the down time with my kids.
head home, nap evie and download a video editing app called 'splice'.
edit videos into this masterpiece [sarcasm!] and call it a day.

castle park [again. it's kind of our favorite]

dear krew,

thanks for being the brother that kate doesn't have.
you guys fight like siblings and love like siblings.
so glad you guys have each other.

an overdue update

to all:

recently i had a friend ask how i was doing.

and not just a 'how ya doing? yah, that's nice', he really wanted to know how i was doing.

and i thought to myself;

'self, if one friend is curious and cares, then probably there are more people who are curious and care'

so.

let's have an update 

[and i'll just throw in some random pics of the girlies and i at the 'castle park' because a post with just words is pretty boring]

the short and sweet of it is that i'm doing really great.

and if that's all you need to know, then carry on :)

but of course there's always more to it than that so here's the long-winded version:

i am still medicated.

my dosage nor medication hasn't changed.

jank and i have discussed numerous times when the right time is for me to wean off my med.

post-partum depression 'usually' corrects/stabilizes in a year or so.

the clinical recommendation is after a year of taking medication, the patient starts cutting the dose in half and then takes the medication less frequently until they're done with it.

i'm just not ready for that yet. 

i know it sounds dumb, but life is so good right now i don't want to do anything to change how i feel.

even if that means i could be medication-free.

i was so worried when i started taking my med that i would become some altered version of myself.

i worried that the med would make me false-happy and that i wouldn't feel like myself.

well, turns out that was a stupid thing to worry about.

the med just helps my body/brain stabilize, it didn't turn me into a robot.

i still have emotions, good and bad days, moments of joy and moments of frustration;

but under it all, i am able to think clearly and logically.

i no longer feel like my world is ending if evie cries because she's fussy.

i can get frustrated at kate and her silly 3 yr old logic without worrying i'm the worst mom ever and thinking she'd be better off without me. 

and let me just tell you how amazing that is.

hallelujah for modern medication and sympathetic/patient/loving friends and family who've supported me and not judged me. 

i'm no longer curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor crying because there are too many dirty dishes.

instead i'm on the couch with jank, watching 'new girl' and laughing our butts off. 

work is still hard.

i can't say i love this hospital- it's overcrowded and understaffed.

but i do love nursing and helping people and my coworkers are mostly awesome.

and although this ER has tried to kill me many times, i have learned a ridiculous amount from it. 

i know i'll look back and be thankful for my time here 

[after i've forgotten about all the times i've had an intubated patient, a trauma, and 4 other patients all at the same time]

so that's where i'm at.

life right now is pretty fantastic-

evie finally cut the 3 teeth she's been working on for the last month [augh].

we're headed to san diego tomorrow for a family vacation with my entire family.

it'll be the first time we've all been together in a long time.

so excited to have time off work and be together with everyone!

thanks to all who've stuck it out with me.

really i can't thank you enough.

[pigtails!!]

last saturday

dear vintage carnival rides at liberty park:

i really didn't think kate would want to ride on any of you.

she surprised me and [with some prompting from jank] demanded to ride the airplanes.

so we bought a ticket, buckled her in the metal bumble bee and waited for the tears.

lo and behold, the kid liked it!

maybe next time we'll ride the swings [which really do not look very safe so probably not] 

or the carousel or the ferris wheel.

and what summer day would be complete without a tiger's blood sno-cone?

after the treats were gone, i packed up and headed to work [stuck inside on a gorgeous saturday? bleh].

jank and kate stayed at the park and he pushed her on the swings for 30 minutes.

little stinker was so tired from all the fun she almost fell asleep swinging.

i think kate likes summertime.

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public parks are crucial when living with a toddler in a 900 sq foot apartment with no yard

liberty park,

i told myself that during this last utah summer i would branch out and visit more parks than just sugarhouse park.

but sometimes i get stuck in a rut [and new/different playgrounds frighten miss kate] so it took me awhile to visit you.

but i'm sure glad we did.

today we packed the picnic basket full of semi-healthy food and spent the evening enjoying the gorgeous weather.

jank and i both agreed that your park is one of the prettiest we've ever seen.

the lake, the rolling green hills, the trees... it all added up to a picture-perfect outing.

for dinner kate had grapes, water and chips.

and then she played with her bubbles for about an hour.

pretty sure my child is in love with summer.

thanks for the perfect picnic,

the jancers

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running free

dear green grass and evergreen trees:

soon we'll be living in the desert and have palm trees and cacti in our yard.

i know i will miss you greatly.

leaving all the green behind will be hard.

so we're soaking up as much time as we can running in the grass and sitting under big shady trees.

this morning was beautiful- utah is truly magical in early summer.

we're counting ourselves lucky to have one last utah summer.

.

welcome june.

hey there summertime, thanks for finally showing up.

they held hands for most of the walk. kids are the coolest.

yesterday i took the girls on a walk around bb's neighborhood.

[although it feels like it was a month ago-- today was a long day]

we stopped to play at three different playgrounds/parks.

i pushed them on the swings for at least 15 minutes [that's a loooong time in toddler world]

they were silent and slumped over and completely mesmerized by the world around them.

i just stared at their faces wondering what they were thinking.

such beautiful girls.

so glad it's finally warm enough to wear shorts and play outside for long periods of time.

.

we're getting cranky over here

warm weather please come back.

we miss you.

kate is smiling on the inside

this is a conversation kate and i had yesterday-

kate: 'sliiiide? mama? outsiiiide?'
me: 'sorry sweets, it's raining. no slide today.'
kate: 'it's waining. no sliiiiiide.'
me: 'that's right, no slide. do you want to watch tangled for the 5 billionth time?'

[repeat above conversation seven times]

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another year older

miss kate:

i hope you inherited your father's memory.

he can recall all sorts of information and it comes in quite handy

[unless we're having an argument and then it's just annoying]

but just in case you inherited my awful memory and can never recall your second birthday,

i'll recap today for you--

you received three phone calls, four text messages and one card.

i let you drink as much milk as you wanted and by bedtime i had refilled your sippy 6 times.

you got to play with your favorite person in the whole world- lizamagoos!

you guys fed the ducks and geese, found sticks and played on the slides.

running with sticks is safe and awesome

you had mcdonald's for dinner.

you barely ate your food because you were full of milk [your dad ate your nuggets. he thanks you]

i made you a chocolate cake stuffed with chocolate mouse and raspberry filling.

you licked the whipped cream off the top, smashed the rest and didn't even try a bite.

you blew out your candle on the first try [all that bubble-blowing came in handy]

we applauded your candle-blowing abilities like you had just discovered electricity.

we're still working on smiling for the camera. that little girl is a stubborn one.

you demanded extra hugs after you were tucked in and we joyfully complied.

tonight, just like every night, you yelled 'NIGH-NIGH' as we walked out of your room.

this always makes us laugh.

miss kate, we love your guts.

thanks for changing our lives.

love, 

your mama and daddy

ps. for your birthday we got you a portable dvd player that mounts to the headrest in my car. we installed it a week ago and you now love 'going out'. i'm pretty sure it's the best thing we've ever bought you. i should add that it was your dad's idea so we have him to thank for our now peaceful car rides. thanks jank!

.

a perfect day

BB-

note to self: next time bring scoops and bowls so the girls don't have to steal other kids' toys. whoops

thanks for giving me an excuse to take the girls to the park.
your new double-wide is awesome.
[i love that a new stroller excites me]

i couldn't get the girls to both look at me for a picture.
they couldn't be distracted from all the fun they were having.
not that i blame them.
sun + sand make a great combo.

sorry that i forgot the sunscreen.
but i'm sure glad that sunscreen is something we have to now think about.
goodbye clouds, hello sun!




ps. my favorite picture of harry to date

my favorite outfit- i'm a sucker for stripes.

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spring for one day.

dear sugarhouse goose:

yesterday was glorious wasn't it?

thanks for not biting my child while she tried to have a conversation with you.

don't worry if you couldn't understand her speed-babble,

we don't what she's saying half the time either.

gratefully,

miss kate's mum.

ps. is it duck, duck, gray duck or duck, duck, goose? i grew up with gray duck and quite enjoyed that game.

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