kate's bday

a little out of order like i promised....
i finally got around to blogging kate's birthday.
it's nothing amazing, but we had a great day.
to see, click here

twirling

kate: loves pretty dresses, dancing and bubbles.

me: loves pajamas and hearing my kids giggle.

evelyn: loves being dizzy.

two of my favorite things: evie and ikea

evie rue-

a little update on what you've been up to.

your happiness persists. 

hallelujah!!

you are now content to crawl, explore, play, smile, giggle and [sometimes] eat.

such a nice change from the testy baby you used to be.

we haven't figured out what changed [maybe nothing?], but we're happy with evie version 2.0

you've taken a few stumbling steps and have even stood on your own for a second or two.

i keep wondering if something is affecting your balance [inner ear problems??] and making it hard for you to stand by yourself or if you're just the laziest baby ever.

probably the later. 

kate insists on helping you walk around the house which has lead to many falls and bonked heads.

but she's finally taken an real interest in you so we will just go with it. 

good thing a snuggle with mom or dad and your blankie make everything better.

you still love to suck on the corners of your blankies.

it's gross, but far better than sucking on a finger or a binki.

you're obsessed with the pom-poms and paper lanterns hanging above your crib. 

you love to reach for them and babble at them.

the first thing you do in the morning when we rescue you from your baby prison [aka crib] is point at the pom-poms with your tiny finger and say 'doo-doo'.

you say 'doo-doo' for just about everything. 

still not talking much yet, but that's to be expected from you. 

you have laziness down to an art. 

you love the pool and attempt to drown every chance you get.

i'm half amused/half terrified at your lack of fear.

i have to keep a firm grip on you when we're sitting on the pool steps watching kate do her 'mermaid tricks' because you think it's the funniest game to fall face first into the water.

i scoop you up and the grin on your face is epic.

i love seeing you that happy.

another amateur film. this one's about hiking.

mark that one off the bucket list.

to our anonymous friends who own lots of guns:

thanks for taking jank and i shooting.
i know a lot of laughs were had at my expense-
it couldn't be helped.
guns have so much more kick than i expected!
hollywood makes shooting a gun [and hitting the desired target] look sooo easy.
i could barely hit a big dirt hill.
i know i looked a fool, but i had fun.
thank you!

things i learned:
i am still terrified of firearms and the power they hold [mostly due to the fact that i'm the one on the other side of things, trying to fix what a bullet did to someone. i have a deep reverence for how fragile the human body is and how easily our mortality can end]
i like the 9 mm the best.
the 22 was my second favorite.
i did NOT enjoy the semi-automatic rifles- too much power/potential for harm.

i believe guns are a necessary evil in our current world-
i do not believe everyone needs to own one but i think that a basic knowledge of guns, gun safety and the ability to safely fire one if the need arises is important.

and for those of you worried about us taking evie to a firing range,
rest assured she was being held or i was sitting with her on the ground the entire time.
she wore her ear protection almost constantly
[i was surprised she didn't try to remove it more than a few times]

kate was left safely at a friends house.
i wasn't ready for her to see us with firearms just yet.

always changing, always growing.

i love drives in the car.

[usually] it's peaceful.

kate and evie are happy to stare out the windows or the sunroof and watch the world go by.

kate always says 'i like to watch the cars go by'.

in those quiet moments i get time to reevaluate myself and the thing that matters most to me right now, which is motherhood.

my husband, myself, my job.... they all matter but mothering is the umbrella that everything else falls under.

my life will forever be changing, my focus constantly shifting but this season is one for being a mom and all the work, joy, sacrifice, fun and craziness that goes into that job.

i want so very desperately to do a good job.

i want my kids to laugh, learn and be happy; be exposed to life, enjoy the sunshine and the rain, to be kind and loving. 

i want so much for them. 

pretty much what every mom wants for their kids, i suppose.

but i've realized that loving my kids isn't enough.
my love needs to become an action, not just a verbal expression.

i have to love them enough to put down my phone and be present-

i have a bad habit of editing pictures on my phone instead of fully focusing on my girls. 

i have to love them enough to get in the pool for what seems like the thousandth time,

even though the thought of washing swimsuits and towels again dang near kills me. 

this doesn't mean i'm never going to nap, or work on my phone, or put a movie on for the kids so i can have some quiet time.

i'm not that amazingly selfless.

nor do i think i should have to be.

i think my kids should be able to entertain themselves so i can get things done.

i think my kids should understand that i need some alone time.

what it means is that i'm trying to be more deliberate with my mothering.

more deliberate with my time.

more focused on this gigantic task at hand.

more patient and kind and understanding of their short legs and busy hands.

it's such a big job:

the non-stop worry, planning and tasks.
the monotony.
the horrible hours of 3-5 pm where i am longing for a nap and my kids are go-go-go.
the never-ending laundry.
the awful sleep deprivation... 

the cons are plentiful, that's a certainty.

but the pros always tip the scale-

the little hugs and open-mouth kisses.

seeing life through my girls' eyes and appreciating the wonder in the world. 

jumping in the ocean waves while holding kate's hand.

having a purpose; someone to love and care for and being needed and loved in return.

the sense of accomplishment that comes after teaching evie where her belly button is.

sitting in the pew at church, holding my loved ones close and singing a song of worship.

the giggles that 'this little piggy' elicits every. single. time.

it all sounds so silly and unimportant when it's written down doesn't it?

i think that's because love and relationships and the human experience are so hard to logically explain.
i think it's meant to be that way though.
it opens us up for growth and challenges us in so many different ways.
love wasn't meant to always be easy.
we wouldn't grow very much if that was the case.

somedays my love for my girls flows out of me without effort.
other days it's a struggle to smile at the books and toys strewn about the floor.
and it's always near impossible to love my toddler when she's throwing herself on the floor and covering her eyes and wailing because i wouldn't let her have a drink of my soda.

but learning to love in the hard moments makes me a better mom and most definitely a better person.
my patience has grown exponentially since having miss kate.
empathy and kindness have become my personal goals [although i routinely and regularly fall short].
i am so thankful for the rotten moments as well as the wonderful ones.

motherhood has been good to me.

who ever thought that cutting up fruit and making mac and cheese could be so life-changing??

according to instagram.

[may insta's]

 date night! oh man do i love date night. dinner and a movie- our favorite. [we looove the movies and get quite irritated if we miss the previews. just FYI] and one day i woke up to find a dozen gourmet cupcakes on my counter. that was a good day. 

 love that my kiddos can play outside but i hate how dusty yuma is- they get so dirty! and evie's favorite game to play is 'pull the blankies down'.

 beauty in the simple things. and eating outdoors- my absolute favorite way to dine [even if it's just a smoothie. there is something magical about fresh air and watching the world go by]

 post-night-shift days are clothing optional for the kids and pajamas for me. and kate has become obsessed with bodily functions- if you want her to laugh just say 'toot' and she'll giggle for a looong time.  

 kate and evie love to bounce around and play in evie's crib [and i love that they're contained to one spot]. and evie's new favorite thing is to cover her eyes with her little hands and fake cry when things don't go her way. it's quite effective [especially on her daddy who is a self-proclaimed pushover]. 

 nighttime walks are the best- light breeze, warm air, quiet neighborhood and some music playing from my phone. just wonderful. and our ward had a summer party, complete with delicious BBQ and bounce-houses for the kids. [kate was in heaven]

 we hung up our new flag just in the nick of time on memorial day- there's something powerful about seeing that american flag waving in the breeze. and evie decides to finally eat something other than yogurt- hurray!!

 evie is 16 months and still not walking [or standing on her own]. in an effort to get her moving we bought her this walker. hopefully it'll be the motivation she needs [lazy kid!] and kate has been full of interesting questions lately. one day she was asking about death and heaven and although it made me sad that she was worrying about such things, i was so grateful i had the answers for her. 

that angel face is my favorite. i cannot get enough of her and her squishy body... and some more fake crying :) despite how it looks, evie is actually doing much better. she was fussy for about 3 months while she was cutting teeth but lately she's been pretty great. [now i've jinxed us and she'll be teething again for the next 3 months]

*****

and in case you want to get caught up on our old instagram's 

[that i've been too busy to post] 

here are the links:

february and march

march

march and april

april [SoCal]

april and may

may

out of order.

so it would seem that i'm just a wee bit behind on the old blog.

bear with me while i update my posts. 

they might be a little out of order for a bit.

^these pics are from 1 week before evie's first birthday^

i found them buried in iphoto. i should be ashamed of myself- how could i not share those delicious cheeks??

[maybe i have shared these pictures before. 

hmmmm... can't remember. 

i'm not kidding about the alzheimers people. 

oh well, at least she's cute ;) ]

the minnie mouse dress is back in rotation. [it was retired for a bit]

ma girlies-

it's been so fun watching you develop a relationship with each other.

most days your interactions involve kate yelling 'mom! evie's ruining my stuff!!'

but some days you two play together really well- 

this usually means you're destroying something or making a huge mess but hey! it's quiet so i'll take what i can get.

can't wait to see you grow up and [hopefully] turn into good friends.

after you've gone through the 'sharing-a-room, hate-each-other, one-of-you-sleeps-in-the-bathtub' phase. 

oh how excited i am for that time in our lives.

[sarcasm. in case you couldn't tell]